


New Horror Capital

by Rana Eros (ranalore)



Category: Dong Bang Shin Ki
Genre: M/M, OT5, Zombiepocalypse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-01-26
Updated: 2009-01-26
Packaged: 2017-10-03 01:02:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ranalore/pseuds/Rana%20Eros
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Yunho is recognized as the brains of the outfit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	New Horror Capital

They're at the studio appallingly early after a very late rehearsal, so even Yunho isn't entirely awake. For once, it's not because Lee Soo-man is evil and insane--and Yunho means that with all the respect his mama ever drilled into him--but rather because of some freak accident involving two members of SHINee, a potted plant, and a toy poodle. Yunho doesn't know, manager-sshi explained it in the car on the way over, but, well. See the bit about early studio time and late rehearsal.

He thinks Mina-nuna isn't looking too fine at this hour either, and apparently she's pre-coffee, because she actually lunges and tries to bite him when he heads for her station. He's used to that sort of behavior from the other members, so he dodges her easily, but then she tries again, growling and moaning something that sounds an awful lot like, "Braaaaaaaaaains." Which, good luck with that at this time of day. Night. Whenever they are, which is clearly not an optimal time for him to be awake, because he sounds like Jaejoong in his head, and how disturbing is that?

Then Changmin says, "Holy shit! Hyung!" and yanks on his arm, pulling him out of Mina-nuna's path, who has apparently given up on being even remotely subtle and was planning to jump him. She goes crashing to the floor, arms extended, and Yunho wakes up really fast when her right index finger falls off.

"Oh, did somebody bring coffee finally?" Yoochun asks at the sound of impact, and Yunho glances aside to see him slumped in a makeup chair, looking about five seconds away from sliding right out of it and joining Mina-nuna on the floor. Yunho looks at her again and finally registers the open wounds and the...well. Rot.

"Junsu," he hears himself say calmly, "please keep Yoochun in his chair. I think it'd be really unsanitary if he naps on the floor today."

Mina-nuna's struggling to sit up. The dressing room door opens, and Yunho realizes for the first time that she's the only coordi-nuna in there with them. He looks up to see Seulbi-nuna shambling into the room, arms extended. She groans. He knows exactly how she feels.

Then Jaejoong steps in front of her, and Yunho sees him hold up his lighter and a can of hairspray. He flicks the lighter, sprays the flame, and sets Seulbi-nuna on fire before stepping aside. Yunho watches her thrash toward him, and it's probably a good thing Changmin is still holding onto him, because he wouldn't have thought to move on his own, even with Jaejoong yelling at him.

"What's wrong with you?" Jaejoong demands as Seulbi-nuna trips over Mina-nuna and goes sprawling, her left leg coming off at the knee. She kicks out with her right foot, making contact with Mina-nuna, which knocks off more pieces of both and, not incidentally, sets fire to Mina-nuna. Jaejoong gets distracted watching the flames. "I thought that'd work as well on zombies as it did on vampires."

"You're going to set the room on fire," Changmin complains, letting go of Yunho to grab Yoochun's prop cane and prod at the nunas, making sure they don't roll into the costume rack. "A solution with vinegar would probably be safer, and just as effective."

"We're in a dressing room, not a kitchen," Jaejoong points out. "I don't exactly carry kimchi with me in case of emergencies."

"There are zombies," Yunho says faintly, and Changmin looks at him like possibly he's already had his brain eaten. It's not a very nice look, even for Changmin, and Yunho feels that's pretty unfair. So he repeats himself, "There are _zombies_."

"I wonder how far the contagion's spread," Junsu says from where he's holding up Yoochun, who's mumbling of "cooooooffeeee" is kind of disturbing, all things considered. "Think we'll be able to fight our way out?"

"_Zombies_," Yunho says again, because nobody seems to be getting it.

At that moment, the dressing room door opens again. Jaejoong snaps to attention, lighter and hairspray at the ready, but this coordi-nuna looks normal, carrying a tray of coffee. She drops it when she sees her still-smouldering colleagues, emitting a short, sharp scream. In a feat of speed the likes of which Yunho has never seen, Yoochun manages to get out of his chair and under the tray before it hits the floor, catching it and balancing it so the cups rock, but don't spill more than a few drops.

"Uh," Yunho says, and Jaejoong plucks up one of the cups of coffee as he talks to the coordi-nuna, who, Yunho realizes, he doesn't just not recognize because of the hour and lack of caffeine. She's new.

"--and you're probably safe because you were out getting the coffee," Jaejoong finishes telling her. He passes the coffee to Changmin, who passes it to Yunho. "Did you see anything suspicious outside?"

"There are some people in the hallways who don't look so good," she says steadily enough. "I thought they had the flu, so I was careful not to get too close, though I thought it was rude they weren't wearing masks."

Yunho takes a sip of the coffee, waiting for the caffeine to hit and jolt him out of this nightmare.

"Take this," Jaejoong says to the coordi-nuna, handing her a can of hairspray. "Yoochun, give her your lighter."

On the floor, Yoochun has contorted himself around enough that he can sip from a coffee cup without choking himself. He fishes in his pocket and hands up his lighter, all without lifting his head from his coffee cup.

"Think the hairdryers might have an effect?" Junsu asks while Jaejoong equips the new coordi-nuna. "Dry them out first, then set them on fire."

"You don't think we can...reverse it?" Yunho asks weakly, feeling that someone should speak up for the infected. Though, really, he can't imagine what the cure would be for zombie-ism.

Changmin gives him that look again. Honestly, Changmin used to have _some_ respect. "Zombies, Yunho."

"There are zombies?" Yoochun has finally emerged from the first hit of his chosen drug, and he's looking kind of unfairly alert, considering that Yunho feels like he's still half-asleep. Then Yoochun spots the nunas on the floor and tilts his head. "Hey, look at that. They're on fire."

"I still think vinegar would be more efficient," Changmin says, and Yoochun nods.

"Yeah, acid content'll do the trick, and you won't have to worry about setting off the alarms." Then he reaches for another cup of coffee.

"Hairdryers--" Junsu starts, but Changmin interrupts.

"Aren't portable, hyung, and I don't think we want to barricade ourselves in here. It's not a great room for a siege, and coordi-nuna said the hallways are pretty clear."

"We could--" Jaejoong says, and Yunho decides it's time to take charge.

He clears his throat, takes one last gulp of coffee, and decides to work with his demented state. They haven't got acid, but they've got acetone. "Right. We're making our way toward the cafeteria. There'll be kimchi down there, and we can gather up the non-infected on the way. In the meantime, everybody grab some nail polish remover and a coffee cup."

"Good thinking, leader-sshi," Jaejoong says, beaming. Even in this surreal moment, Yunho finds himself smiling back.

Junsu helps Yoochun to his feet. The zombie-nunas have burned up rather quickly, and are now mostly a pile of ash, which Changmin is stirring with the cane, just to make sure no random hands or anything come after them. The new coordi-nuna is sifting through the makeup on the counter, gathering a small pile of nail polish remover.

Yunho finishes his coffee, then steps up to open a bottle of nail polish remover and poor it into the empty cup. He looks at his bandmates in the mirror and says, "Let's do this."

**Author's Note:**

> I have had this idea for a looooong time. I should have known it wouldn't die. Or it started out dead, but it would keep coming. Whatever. The scary thing is, there are more where that came from. I blame my misspent youth, and Korea's booming horror movie industry. Audienced by Eliza, who now knows the importance of a zombie contingency plan.


End file.
